Tuesday, March 9, 2010

You And Your Unsolicited Opinion Can Bite Me

Alrighty, let me lay this on the line, person shooting me a dirty look as I bottle feed my son in the park. I didn't ask your opinion, I don't want your opinion, and you can go suck on a .38.

Hey, professor of my graduate class: what does it matter one f-ing lick to you if we have to supplement Isaac's food with (GOD FORBID) formula? Please give me a passing grade, then kindly run an experiment finding out how far it is from the Brooklyn Bridge to the water below.

You know what, every single article, news blurb, commercial, person real and person imagined trying to make Shannon feel like a bad person for not breastfeeding exclusively? I humbly ask that you do your own personal impression of Dresden, 1945.

Ike needs to eat. And he eats WAY more than most babies his age, or for that matter, most NFL defensive linemen. And he's a rough little bastard. Shannon once had to take him to the hospital to make sure that the blood he spat up was "only" from Shannon's breast, and not from his stomach.

I don't know what mastitis feels like, but I know that it makes Shannon miserable in a way I've never seen before. And yes, she "could" keep breastfeeding him rather than taking a day off. And you judgmental pricks "could" try applying a belt sander to your nipples for 30 minutes at a time, 8-10 times a day.

Look, I get what you're saying. Breastfeeding is best. And we're doing the best we can. But really, this constant barrage of everything saying it MUST be so is a little obnoxious. Actually, getting punched in the nuts is a little obnoxious. This is the equivalent of watching puppies get tortured by Nazis to the tune of "MMMBop." And to any couple or single mother that has to face a reality where breastfeeding exclusively is physically (or emotionally) impossible, I say this: I'm in your corner, love your child, he or she will be fine, and don't let the bastards grind you down.



  1. i'm with you guys. i don't know how she does it at all. she's a better woman than i am...

  2. Hey, I was bottle fed and I'm one of the healthier people i know! All those arrogant, holier than thou nipple nazis can suck it. hee hee! :o)

  3. Sending you guys a million hugs. I've been fighting with mastitis and thrush and had to get an abscess dealt with this week from all of it. It is pure hell and I totally feel for you, Shannon.

    You guys need to do what's best for you and what's best for Ike. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're doing any less than your best. Especially nosy/judgmental assholes.

  4. Thanks, guys. He eats so much that even after nursing from both sides, he still needs a bottle. He eats 5 ounces of formula every 2 hours all day - regardless of how many times I nurse him. He's a machine! And he's finally starting to chunk up a bit.

    Monica - I feel for you. That's an awful lot to deal with so early on. I hope you're feeling better. I thought about giving up a few times, but plan on soldiering on as much as I can.

  5. I'm kinda shocked by the judgment. I've worked as a nanny for almost six families, and most of them either supplemented heavily with formula, or did formula exclusively. I kind of assumed it was the norm now. I know I could never breastfeed (I have a nipple-phobia, so sue me.) so Shannon gets mad props and respect from me. Fuck da haters. She is to be commended.