Things learned today:
1)Babies are gross.
Every time Isaac poops, which is approximately 2,344 times an hour, there is a disinct wet-fart sound, followed by a brief look of confusion (on both baby and daddy), and finally hysterical crying (from both baby and daddy). Opening the diaper reveals a treasure chest of curdled milk chunks and chocolate pudding. Apparently baby-guts are run by the manufacturers of Blue Cheese and Jello. This is science.
2)Vibration is the key
We bought one of the Fisher Price vibrating baby seats, the primary-colored kind that comes with some cutsey name like "Happy Meadows" or "Bouncy Happy" or some such bulls#!t. It is a primary-colored monstrosity, which I imagine to be designed to simulate the seats on a space shuttle, right down to the intensive strapping in process. Whatever. You click a button, and the chair gently hums. With Isaac, this buys you anywhere from 3-10 minutes of calm baby. This is enough time to deal with trivial matters such as all of your paper work, phone calls from well-wishers, and your own bowels.
3)There are never enough towels.
Poop. Milk. Spit-up. Vaseline. Wet Hands. Spills. All of these things need wiping up. Yesterday I found myself holding a screaming infant, searching for a burp cloth with the same panic that the Von Trapp family must have felt as they gathered the last key items before fleeing the Nazis. Fortunately, I found a bib in just enough time to save the couch for at least another 2 hours. This is a victory.
4)3 hours of uniterrupted sleep is great
Isaac slept in complete peace from 230am to 530am. He was fussy for about 4 minutes before getting up completely. In that time, I got coffee started, a bottle ready, and a bib in-hand (see 3 above) in preparation. I'm fu@#ing great at this.