Friday, February 19, 2010

I Don't Love You That Much, Child: Top 5 Buys of the First 5 Weeks

Shannon and I were talking last night about the baby, in part because we have nothing else to talk about. At this point, our opinions on pressing global matters have been boiled down to no more than 4 words per topic. On the Earthquake in Haiti: Super Sad. On the Obama Administration: Meh, Better Than Bush. On The Olympics: That Man's Wearing Feathers.

We ultimately got to the cost of being new parents, and what purchases were most worthwhile. Here are the submitted top 5, for your consideration and purchase:

1. Swaddle Me Blankets
Newborns are not like you and me, unless you happen to be into bondage. Which, look, that's totally cool, but we're talking about babies right now, so stop being gross. Babies, you see, like to be "swaddled," which is an old Navajo term literally translating to "Pinned the Eff Down." Because having movement restricted reminds baby of the womb, baby finds being swaddled incredibly soothing. There are multiple procedures for wrapping your child up like a burrito in a blanket, but unless you have a ridiculous combination of patience and dexterity, your "burrito" usually ends up flailing and screaming.
Enter these ingenious blankets. They use velcro to hold the baby snug, allowing for him/her to calm down, and for you to do the same. The prices range from 10 dollars for the basic model to 18 for the organic cotton version (oooh aren't you special...). We of course, stocked up on the cheapest available.

2.Ocean Wonders Cradle Swing
Your baby must have a swing. And you better be ready to shell out better than $100 on this. Do NOT skimp on the swing. This item will be used to help baby nap during the day, as well as to keep him occupied and entertained for those stretches where you realize that you haven't showered in three days and need to do so NOW. In general, baby may spend an hour or two in his or her swing every day. We went for the Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Swing. This works as a side-to-side or a front-to-back swing, has a motorized mobile and glowing orange light, and multiple white noise sounds with adjustable volume. All in all, this is the Cadillac of baby swings. And had they charged twice as much as they did for it, the investment would still have been a good one.

3. Pacifiers
Yeah, of course. But here's the deal. Much like pack-a-day smokers, babies will often have a brand. Isaac, for instance, likes the Mam brand. And don't you dare try giving him a Nuk. Our friends' baby loves the Avent pacifiers. There's several brands to choose from, with different styles of nipple. If one doesn't work, try another brand. Seriously.

4. First Years Microwave Sterilizer
Isaac loves milk. So much so that he's eating well more than what any website, doctor, or advisor has recommended. So much so that mom can't keep up. He spends so much time at the titty-bar you'd think he has a girlfriend named Sienna Myst. But it's not enough. As a result, we have to supplement. We use anywhere from 3-5 bottles a day, easily. Each bottle has 5 pieces, each of which must be meticulously cleaned after every use. We don't have a dishwasher. Do the math.
This little gadget makes life a little easier. You give the pieces of each bottle a decent cleaning (get the milk off, basically), load the pieces into this thing,add a little water, then pop the lot into the microwave for 10 minutes. Much less frustrating. Plus, I get the bonus points of helping with the baby without any serious hassle. Poppa Win!

5. Ed Meades Zinfandel
Sometimes, Isaac will sleep for 2-4 hours in a row, somewhere between 7 and 10pm. In that time, Mommy and Daddy like to kick back with a glass of wine and Hercule Poirot on DVD. O we gon' drank.

1 comment:

  1. My only serious relationship with a baby has been Maggie Simpson. And after reading this post, I think of two moments:

    1) Maggie in her swing-a-ma-jig, desperately trying to reach to hit the 'off' switch, while the whole family marvels at how much she loves it

    2) Maggie running out of her pacifier, and Homer running to every store in town and buying dozens of them. He can't find her brand, and she spits every one out.